(Looking out the window)
Of course I had to release Where I go my White girl go. I really like Ashley. She ride for me whether I am right or wrong. We went to International Drive and almost got into it. Of course some hating ass niggas with their fat black girls. I am always ready for action. It does not matter to me. I always got my strap too. Ashley was like you want me to get the strap. I said na get in the car. I looked at her like ” damn baby I like you even more”. LOL
You’re favorite black man is back. Well, I was hanging out with Ashley last night. She is a cool ass white girl. The problem she does not know she is in love with a Rasta man like myself. Her son is half Jamaican. I think that made me look at her different. Contrary to my contemporaries I actually love my culture and heritage. I am the original black man from West Africa. Jamaican culture is not based of racial strife and skin color. That is why I got mad at PA girl, who is biracial (Black American). She let her anger and bitterness cloud her judgement. We had a debate on interracial dating. I told her look the problem with black women they think they are entitled and just feel they should tell a man what to do. They are stubborn to a fault until that man leaves her. Just a small list of their issues. Figure out the rest.
You are talking a black man that has dated and spanked black women from damn near over 20 years now. Now you are upset that I am thinking about dating a white girl seriously. This is on the heels of PA girl saying she would never talk to me again over Ashley. I said look I am not friends with any of my ex black girlfriend and you can be on that no fly zone list too. She started to cry in her car about it.
Baby girl you are not that tough. It was only me that kept you going in life and you got the nerve to disrespect me. It’s not about me defending a white woman. It’s about you not doing the shit you were supposed to do in the relationship. God Forgives but Black Men Don’t.
PA girl said to me you think you are so perfect. I am not perfect but when you got the power you call the shots in relationships. There is no such thing as 50 50 in relationships. The dynamics are different in men and women relationships. You are either the leader or she is the leader. Women need to be careful what fight they want to take on. PA girl responds that you’re mother is not going to like you being with a white girl. PA girl is actually absolutely right.
It will be a bridge I will have cross when I get there. My grandmother is biracial and my mother is a redbone (thus the word redbone). Black people come in different shades. The whole racial construct was a European idea. I never look at a person’s skin color in the terms of this person being automatically racist. Nor do I believe black people cannot e racist. However, there is a double standard in life.
My mother would support PA girl more than Ashley the white girl. Despite the fact that PA girl cannot hold a job for a long time. She will support PA girl even when she always has her hand out. She will support PA girl for doing good things like losing all this weight. I will admit PA girl is looking more and more attractive. She is like a size 10 now. Now that could be do to stress or whatever. But it looks good on her 40 years old.
Obviously PA girl looks better than Ashley at this point. I am not here to argue the point of who looks better. Ashley is attractive and can hold her own. It would be hard to make a choice. I just go with what works for me. HMM, I haven’t made a firm decision on whether to get back with PA girl or stay with Ashley. Ashley got age on her side as well. She is only 25 years old. I am 36 years old in my prime right now. Again I have to see what happens.
Now back to the title at hand why black men are leaving black women. I read this article.
1. The Black Man Shortage (as I read on Essence.com):
42% of Black women are unmarried. 70% of professional Black women are single. The numbers don’t lie and there is a real gap between “datable” Black women and men. Even if there is some degree of inaccuracy in the numbers, if you just talk to Black women, many will agree that there are some challenges finding a “good black man, ” that is… one that is not behind bars, gay, or with other races. I’m also fully aware of this challenge due to the number of Black women who write me about it every week. So, the statistics do play a role in this challenge, but it does not tell the whole story. Please read on!
2. Too Many Black Women Have Bought Into the Stereotypes On Who They Are:
The perception that Black women are hard to get along with, mean, bitchy, argumentative, bitter, etc. has become a reality for too many black women. I know, because I used to be that way (and still have relapses on occasion but irrational behavior and constantly “going off” on people, especially your man, is not an attractive quality to have when trying to maintain a relationship with a man. I had to LEARN that just because I was running things at work, didn’t mean I was going to run things with my man. So, I had to “check my attitude” at the door when dealing with my black man. Maybe a man really needs to be the head of the household, and if you don’t trust that he can be, then leave him alone and move on. A wise man once told me that anything with two heads is a monster, so only 1 can be head of the household, and for me, I prefer it to be my man. Sistas, we know we have carried too much of the financial and emotional burden of raising our families alone, but we should use that to draw strength from and not allow that to make us emotionally weaker. I remember being in my 20s at a management consulting firm I worked for and this brother told me that I would definitely make Partner but no one would ever like me because I was so damn mean, and I actually was naïve enough to take that as a compliment; not realizing that my “meanness and bitchiness” had spilled over into my personal life and keeping me from attracting and keeping good men in my life.
3) Many Black Women Have Made a Conscious Decision To Be Single:
I know you’re saying yea right. But this is actually true. I know personally for me, I have been married before, but I prefer to be single, especially since I don’t want to have children. Personally, I am not looking to get married again, but I’m not opposed to the idea either. If I meet someone who makes me feel that being married to them is better than my freedom and the luxuries of my single life, then I would consider getting married again. The most important thing to me is to have quality, meaningful relationships with men with similar dreams, goals and interests in life. People fall in love and marry because it’s the tradition. Men and women have been getting married since before recorded history. Until recently, America was the most “married” nation in the world. But now many ask, “Do I have to be married to live happily ever after?” In today’s society, people have a strong desire to simply be happy, whether that means being married or unmarried. Being single is not synonymous with being “alone”. Many single people do have a meaningful love relationship in their life. Society makes people think that end goal of two people who love each other is a “traditional monogamous marriage” but I don’t believe everyone fits that model. Whoever said dating has to end in marriage? If marriages were so great, why do more than half of them end in divorce? So, there are really some women who are happy being single… Seriously!
4) Black Men Don’t See Many of the Qualities That They So Much Admire in Their Mothers and Grandmothers:
To say it’s just a shortage of black men is only a small part of the problem, but as Black women we have to re-evaluate who we are and who we’ve become today. Black men don’t see the strong, quiet strength of their mothers and grandmothers; neither the homemaking/cooking skills either. In my book Why I Love Men, I have a section called “Never Underestimate the Relationship Between a Man and His Mother” that discusses this further. A wise woman understands the precious bond between a man and his mother. You’re not going to change it nor would you want to. A mother is very proud of her son, especially if he’s a good man. His mother values him. His mom and grandmother has loved him unconditionally all his life, and well, you, not so long. If you want a smooth relationship with a Black man, be sure you understand WHY he loves his mom so much and it will help you build a stronger relationship with him. And, if you don’t know why he admires and loves his mom so much, ask him. In fact, a huge red flag for me is when a guy doesn’t have any relationship with his mother, and she is still living. Or if he speaks to his mother in a disrespectful or harsh manner, he will likely treat you the same way.
5) Black Women Have Spent Their Best Years Pursuing Their Education and Career Goals not Realizing that Their Strongest Assets (e.g., Looks, Fertility) Decrease With Age:
I know this may be unpopular, but it is the truth. A woman who wants to have a family should capitalize on her looks, age, and fertility while she is young instead of only focusing on chasing the high-powered career. I believe (and of course I could be wrong) that a man would more likely be with a young, fine woman that is less educated and makes him feel good (in terms of stroking his ego) then an average looking woman with a great career and education.) If marriage and having children is important to you, you may want to NOT focus as much time on pursuing your career goals, but spend more time pursuing and developing meaningful love relationships while you’re young, perky and fertile. If you want a husband and family, you have to pursue it with the same focus and attention you did to achieve your career goals, and by all means, don’t let you looks, fashion sense, and overall attractiveness go downhill. Note: In my book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I share insider secrets, practical advice and techniques that any woman can use to maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery, because as shallow as it may sound, how physically attractive you are is very important to men, and should also be to you if you are seriously looking to attract and keep a man.
6) Black Men Struggle More Than Any Other Group of People in Society and in the Workplace:
You have to ask why are there so many black men in prison and under-educated? Why is the unemployment rate so high for black males? Why is the suicide rate so high for black males? Why are so many black men absent in their child’s life? Why are black males struggling more than other group of people? We have to better understand the struggles of Black men to really increase the number of “datable” black men…and I’m no expert on the answers to these questions and I know when I’m out of my lane, but there are others who have studied Black males and written on this topic and could surely provide some answers to these questions.
7) Black Women Haven’t Adjusted to the New Hypercompetitive Dating Environment That Exists Today:
Many of the traditional rules of courtship don’t exist, for better or for worse, Black women have to do things differently to attract and maintain a long-term relationship with a man. And, if you think about it, most of us have never been taught how to date to find a compatible partner. There was no college course for it. Yes, many women have received advice from family or friends. We may have taken advice from other single women. But most of us are winging it as we go. There are some women who are obviously better at it than others. In Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I’ve consolidated the best strategies that I have learned from friends, relatives and my own experiences and frankly some of the best practical advice that I have ever received and successfully applied to attract the type of men I wanted in my life and they did show up. These strategies have worked for others and they can work for you. You can’t continue doing the same thing and expect different results. It is time to change your approach to dating!
The problem with these lists is that women ask OTHER women about how to get a man. Well a quality man that is.It’s really not about lists or books or whatever. The baggage a woman brings to a relationships is what seals their fate. If a man is willing to have sex with you. You are usually in the door. The PROBLEM is women fuck up the chemistry of the relationship. They try to make the man something he is not.
Some women are so stubborn and unable to change. They always say “accept me as I am”. The fact is the man does not have to accept you’re fucked up personality or you’re mouth. The man has the option to leave you and stop fucking you. OR He can keeping fucking you and still drop you. Now please excuse my harsh language. I just give you the hard truth here.
Now does the skin color of a man change those dynamics. No it does not, the underlying issue is you’re baggage. Changing men will not change you’re personality or mouth. Black men are just more vocal about their criticisms. A white guy may approach it differently. He maybe more diplomatic about it. The fact remains were you able to keep a white guy or black guy?
For all that talk about interracial dating. Are you better off from where you were at until now? Do you have anybody? Now if you were able to swirl and be successful. It does not apply to you.
I am out.